silence

Ian is sleepin in his room. I think he loves to see he have his own space. Thats something Raziel never experience in his life untill he live with his dad. been able to have his own room. His own space. With his own toys. I bet Ian feels special. A kid should feel important when in a home there is a specific space just for him with things that belongs just to him. That should make you think someone was waiting for you. or at least someone cares about you enough to give you a place and you feel you belong there.

My poor Raziel Im so sorry I could never give him that. Im so sorry. Once i divorce his father i didnt have the economical means to even give him a roof over his head. So we live like homeless people sleeping in the same bed. Stayin for a couple of month with my dad, staying for a couple of months with my mom, staying for a couple of months with my sister or who ever could give us some food and a roof. I try to smile for him as much as i can just to pretend everything was ok and temporary. But it was so hard to see that i didnt have anything to offer him other than that smile.

After that he never have a room of his own, he never have any new toys. My temporary situation was turning permanent and my permanent smile was turning temporary. I turn into the Army to give you those things I dream You deserve....

Now i see Ian Sleeping so happy like the baby I dream Raziel should be. And i ask my self. Why God allow my first baby go throug so much?  Why i cant still give him those dreams i always wanted for him?

Every night i thank the Lord for my precious Ian and every night i cry for my broken heart and my Raziel

Raziel Isaak 2010 (10 years)